When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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