the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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