Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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