My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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