I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
