you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
