I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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