When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
