If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
someone owes me an orgasm
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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