her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
