Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
