She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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