Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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