Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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