I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
