We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
