ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
