My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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