Just fell off a train. Bad.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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