Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
