We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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