Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
