My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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