Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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