so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
