it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
