Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
