your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
