I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
