and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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