Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
