I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
