thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
