bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
