I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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