Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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