he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
