I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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