dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
