Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
