I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
