dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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