jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
