I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I wear drunk well.
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