kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
