We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize