I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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