I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
