I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
