I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
