What a fucking waste of an outfit
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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