i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
