ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
