New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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