New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My breasts were aching with rage.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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