I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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