that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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