I'm lost and stupid without you.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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