how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
