I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize