I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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