My hand turned me down
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dignity is for republicans.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
