Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
