There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
