Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she peed on how many people?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
