apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
