Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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