youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
